Christmas Co-parenting: Our top tips for getting through the holidays

Christmas Co-parenting

For separated families, the Christmas period can often leave parents feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Having a clear plan can provide the strategies and support needed to care for your family’s well-being as well as your own, making the holidays more manageable.

For our final blog for the year, Aimee Maud and Annalise Romer share advice on healthy co-parenting during the holidays. Read on.

If you are newly separated or have been for a while and are gearing up for the holidays, you might be wondering what you can do to make the best of this sometimes stressful time. In our experience working with separating clients who share children with their exes, some of the most common anxieties that they face during the holidays are:

  • A fear of conflict
  • A fear of missing out on seeing their kids, or their kids not seeing extended family
  • Concerns about the escalation of family violence
  • Financial stress

 

Each of these issues will require specific solutions, such as:

 

For general co-parenting interactions during the holiday period, here are some key pieces of advice we suggest implementing with your co-parent to minimise stress and conflict. 

Following your plans and orders

First and foremost, following your court orders and parenting plans is integral to maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship with your ex. Not doing this risks a breakdown of trust and the potential for unwanted disagreements that may hinder your progress and well-being as a family.

To make sure that you are both on the same page, creating clear and respectful communication is very important – this should be developed as early into your separation as possible. Respectful communication includes setting healthy boundaries. By respecting each other’s boundaries, parents can build mutual trust and confidence, which in turn helps children feel secure and comfortable when transitioning between the care of each parent.

Letting go of a specific ‘family Christmas’ experience

Even with healthy communication and respect, there can still be tough moments, especially on important days of the year when you are used to all being together as a family.

In these instances, focus on your kids and the bigger picture when managing your expectations around Christmas. It can be very disappointing and difficult when you don’t have custody of your kids on a day that is important to you. While it might not be exactly what you hoped for, focusing on making the time you do spend together special and meaningful can help shift your focus more positively for both you and your children.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you aren’t on holiday from your co-parenting duties, and working together will be just as important as the rest of the year. Taking note of the win-win moments between you and your co-parent can help you adapt to these new arrangements and foster a sense of teamwork.

Of course, if there are sources of tension or differences of opinion when it comes to your parenting plan, always remember to get advice from a family lawyer on interpretation when necessary.

Managing your mental health

Not being able to spend time with your kids during Christmas can be difficult – both mentally and emotionally. Even when trying our hardest to put on a brave face for our families, we are human and can still experience sadness, loneliness or frustration. Taking care of your mental health is always important, but especially during the holidays. Doing this can take many forms, whether that is:

  • Leaning on friends and other family for support and company
  • Keeping a regular routine as much as you can
  • Planning activities to look forward to, such as volunteering or giving to others
  • Seeking professional support if you need to chat with someone, or are relying too much on certain vices such as alcohol, social media, gambling or drug use
  • Using your spare time you have to reflect on the year and set healthy goals for 2025

Final thoughts

Christmas is one of the hardest times for separated families. Ultimately, doing what’s best for your kids while showing kindness to yourself and your co-parent is key. Keeping family relationships strong and healthy is very important to everyone at Romer Maud Family Lawyers.

If you would like to learn more about our approach to family law or work with us, book a chat with our team here.

Aimee

About The Author - Aimee Maud

Aimee is a dedicated Family Law attorney and founding partner at Romer Maud Family Lawyers, practicing since 2014. She provides her clients with both legal and emotional support, emphasizing open, trust-based relationships to navigate divorce, property, and parenting cases. An advocate for collaborative practice, Aimee is also involved in environmental efforts, aspiring to reduce her carbon footprint and is enthusiastic about sustainable living. Balancing her professional role with her personal life, she enjoys motherhood, outdoor activities, and is a committed member of her local community.

Annalise

About The Author - Annalise Romer

Annalise is a dedicated Family Law attorney and founding partner at Romer Maud Family Lawyers, specializing in complex parenting matters since 2012. Known for her empathetic and down-to-earth style, she aims to build trust and provide emotional support to her clients while navigating the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Besides her legal career, Annalise is a mother with diverse interests including fitness, animal welfare, and travel. She’s also a collaborative practice lawyer and a member of various law councils. Her multifaceted life allows her to deeply connect with her clients beyond the courtroom.

*This post is an overview only and should not be considered as legal advice. If there are any matters that you would like us to advise you on, then please contact us.

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In response to the comment from Romer Maud below - I use a pseudonym online, the reason for which should be plainly obvious especially to you given what you’ve been privy to of my situation. The fact that you cannot recall a 22 month long separation which you were part of says it all really. I have included more than enough specific details that the case should be obvious to you. I was not your client, my previous partner was. However we were both massively negatively impacted on every level by your ineptitude, highlighted here by the very fact you’ve no recollection even of the case, that only concluded in April of this year. My original review post: At every point where an agreement should have been reached, this firm failed to effectively guide their client toward resolution. As a result, the separation was unnecessarily prolonged. This was not over a complex or high-value asset pool. It was modest, and the limitations were clear, if not from their client, then certainly from the accurate information repeatedly provided by my lawyer and barrister. Their approach cost both their client and myself over $50,000 each in unnecessary legal fees. They provided incorrect advice regarding financial separation and were unable to manage their client’s expectations. At mediation, my barrister (with 20+ years’ experience) had to explain, in front of one of this firm partners and their junior barrister, what a court would consider fair and reasonable. Even after eight hours of negotiation that day (which they only attended because their client failed to appear), no agreement was reached. Ultimately, their client accepted an offer I had made two years earlier, before lawyers were involved, based on my own accurate research. By that point, we had spent over $50,000 each and endured 22 months of entirely avoidable litigation. Our combined legal fees equated to roughly one-fifth of the asset pool, with this firm’s fees representing more than one-third of their client’s share. The cost of reaching agreement was excessive. For nearly two years, they allowed their client to believe they were entitled to far more than a court would award. We came close to a final trial, a costly and stressful outcome we narrowly avoided. Their conduct prolonged financial limbo and, in my view, enabled ongoing financial abuse. The court was aware of this. It is unclear whether this reflects inexperience, an inability to manage difficult clients, or prioritisation of fees over resolution. Regardless, the outcome was the same: delay, cost and psychological distress. If this firm represents you or your ex, expect prolonged timelines, significant legal costs, and repeated inaccuracies in correspondence and financials. I routinely had to pay my lawyer to correct their errors. They operated on a deferred payment model, taking fees from their client’s settlement. This likely reduced their client’s awareness of escalating costs. In contrast, I paid regularly, making the financial impact of litigation immediate. Following mediation, progress improved slightly (though settlement still took another five months), likely once the financial reality became clear they would not be paid appropriately for a final trial out of their clients realistic share of the asset pool. Communication was consistently delayed, court ordered deadlines were never respected and responses were often almost always incomplete or incorrect. Even post-settlement, finalisation of court-ordered matters was delayed by SIX months. I had to re-engage my lawyer just to obtain responses and ultimately complete required work myself to ensure compliance after this firm sent confirmation that proved their client lodged a highly questionable tax return, attempting to avoid paying CGT entirely, which was outside what was legally required. I strongly recommend avoiding this firm. If they are acting for your ex, be prepared for an unnecessarily prolonged and costly process.
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